---
title: "Am I allowed to say no?"
date: 2020-07-06T21:34:42+02:00
tags: [consent, norms]
---

People often take photographs for granted. It does seem obvious in our society
that one likes to appear with their friend on Facebook, TikTok, what have you.

Early on I started telling people I didn't want to have my picture taken. It
has never really been clear why, and to me either to be honest. It might have
been out of shyness -- trait that is still ever so present -- or because I
didn't like the looks of me on them, or any other reason. But I kept to it.

Growing up I started fiercely advocating for privacy and so this obviously
made it up the list of reasons. How would I know what people having access to
this picture would do with the information that I was at a specific place at a
specific moment, or simply with my image. And I kept telling people not to
take pictures of me.

And despite saying all that, people kept teasing me about it, while some would
plainly ignore my requests and take pictures anyway.

When somebody insists or asks why -- not that I mind having this discussion
when they're not pointing a camera to my face -- all I hear is society
reminding me that not wanting to appear on pictures isn't "normal".

I can try to explain and justify this all I want, but the real issue here
isn't that I am saying no, it's that nobody hears that I am saying no. What we
really should be asking is why am I compelled to justify this behaviour for
others to accept it, and not for others to respect me saying "no".

**Consent**, to name it, is to get a freely given "yes".