---
title: "Am I allowed to say no?"
date: 2022-03-21T16:23:42+01:00
tags: [consent, norms]
---

People often take photographs for granted. It does seem obvious in our society
that people like to appear with their friend on Facebook, TikTok, and what have
you.

Early on I started telling people I didn't want to have my picture taken. It
has never really been clear why, not even to myself to be honest. It might have
been out of shyness -- a trait that is still ever so present -- or because I
didn't like the way I look in them, or perhaps some other reason. But I kept
telling them.

As I grew up I started fiercely advocating for privacy and so this obviously
made it up the list of reasons. How would I know what people having access to
this picture would do with the information that I was at a specific place at a
specific moment, or what they would do with the image. And I kept telling
people not to take pictures of me.

And despite saying all that, people kept teasing me about it, while some would
plainly ignore my requests and take pictures anyway.

When somebody insists or asks why -- not that I mind having this discussion
when they're not pointing a camera at my face -- all I hear is society
reminding me that not wanting to appear on pictures isn't "normal".

I can try to explain and justify this all I want, but the real issue here
isn't that I am saying no, it's that nobody listens. What we really should be
asking is why am I compelled to justify this behaviour to others in the first
place, instead of them simply respecting me saying "no".

**Consent**, to name it, is to get a freely given "yes".