diff --git a/src/core/handlers.py b/src/core/handlers.py
index 61be8467..e34d0554 100644
--- a/src/core/handlers.py
+++ b/src/core/handlers.py
@@ -344,12 +344,16 @@ def on_normal_message(self, message):
             conversation.remote_wants_chatstates = True
         else:
             conversation.remote_wants_chatstates = False
-    if 'private' in config.get('beep_on').split():
+    if not own and 'private' in config.get('beep_on').split():
         if not config.get_by_tabname('disable_beep', conv_jid.bare):
             curses.beep()
     if self.current_tab() is not conversation:
-        conversation.state = 'private'
-        self.refresh_tab_win()
+        if not own:
+            conversation.state = 'private'
+            self.refresh_tab_win()
+        else:
+            conversation.set_state('normal')
+            self.refresh_tab_win()
     else:
         self.refresh_window()
 
diff --git a/src/tabs/basetabs.py b/src/tabs/basetabs.py
index 30ddf239..d54d4578 100644
--- a/src/tabs/basetabs.py
+++ b/src/tabs/basetabs.py
@@ -171,6 +171,9 @@ class Tab(object):
             if self._state == 'current':
                 self._prev_state = None
 
+    def set_state(self, value):
+        self._state = value
+
     def save_state(self):
         if self._state != 'composing':
             self._prev_state = self._state